I'm not sure why am I reacting this way but I feel like I need to talk about it..wrote this too many times in my diary but never really got the chance to tell this out loud..
I'm the kind who doesn't fall for someone easily..When I do, I fall really hard..Maybe because I'm very skeptical as to whether a guy can love you as much as you can them..My dad is an exception..That is why, when I look at a guy..I find for the qualities I see in my dad..caring, patient, corrects you if you make a mistake, not afraid to be himself..
I fell for a guy once about three years back..but it didn't work out..maybe we were immature and didn't know what to expect from each other..Since then, I kind of put my heart on a 'leash' - I was determined to not give my heart away easily..So, I was friendly with everyone but I kept my distance and didn't allow anyone to come too close..If they did, I found ways to pull away..
But unconsciously, I did it again! I allowed someone in! And when he told me that he is in love with someone else..well, it felt like someone had punched me in the abdomen and I felt so nauseous!
However, I couldn't pull away..I did it the first time..We mustn't make the same mistake twice or we would be called idiots..so, I just listened as he spoke about her..trying hard to act normal..
Thought it hurts every time I think that he won't be mine but I keep him in my prayers that he will be alright..that he will be happy and everything will work right for him..
Last week, the priest gave a sermon on love..He said that at times, we tend to be persecuted due to our love for others - just like what Jesus did for us..HE died on the cross for us..
I'm not being hung on a cross for the guy but I feel like this is the sacrifice I'm doing for him..because I love him - I'm willing to let him go & pray for him & be there for him if he needs me - it is the least I could do..All I'm hoping is that he will be happy ALWAYS!