All I want for Christmas..

We were packing to leave for Malacca. It was 10.30pm and I was going to hit the deck for I'll be driving tomorrow when Dad's phone rang.

'We are outside the house!' the voice said. It was Auntie Ranee with Uncle David and my 2 cousins - right there at out doorstep. They were around for a short while and soon after left

Anyway, Dad waved them goodbye at the porch while the rest 3 of us just waved our goodbyes from the door. In my defense, it was late!

Just as the car pulled away, the unthinkable happened! I saw Dad bang his leg against the corner stone. Thumbled. I felt myself catch my breath when I saw Dad moved forward loss control of his footing. My heart was too scared to see the fall and my hears wanted to shut the bang. But there was no bang! Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw Dad standing.

Mom shouted praises 'coz if he had fallen, well I don't want to think about it. I've witnessed it many times this year. I don't plan to relive it - my heart won't take it again. Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Pat sitepa - I know you will always pray for your best friend!

Thinking now - I realised something. I'm scared. I'm afraid that people I love might be taken away from me. I'm afraid to do the same thing that has led to tragedies. I just want to confess certain things here, Lord :

1. I'm afraid to drive tomorrow.
Jessica drove to Penang last year when Pat sitepa was sick and was about to undergo a major
surgery. I'm driving this year and Dad is gonna undergo a cataract surgery.

2. I'm afraid to check my parents.
I checked my Uncle. Did physical examination on him and he passed away. I'm afraid to check
Dad - afraid I might find things I can't handle.

3. I'm afraid to be too happy.
I love laughing but recently, I laugh heartily then all of a sudden, I get scared and stop. All the
that had happened would rewind and I begin faking my laughs.

I'm afraid Lord, that if I don't change things, the past might repeat itself. Lord, Your coming is suppose to give hope to the mankind that everything has been taken cared of. That You are gonna take away all the pain, all the fear, all the failures, all the sadness. Lord, You know that I love You right? Then, you should know how much a girl loves her dad. 'Coz You are my PAPA. Lord, please take care of Dad. I might look tough and self-sufficient sometimes but You know my heart more than anyone in this world. And You know that my heart is filled with more fear than it used to. I don't mind if I don't get any gift this year or I'll all my presents and offer them to Yoy but promise me that You will take care of my loved ones. That is all I want for Christmas..