Half empty, Half FULL

I never understood the idiom : See the cup as half full..
I mean if the cup contains milk (and I HATE milk) I would wish it was half empty right? On the other hand, if it was filled it luscious hot chocolate - hmm, now that's a different story! I would like to see my cup as full and savour every single drop of that chocolate-y flavour..Well, you get the picture..See-ing the cup as half full means to see the good side of things, people or a situation..

Before I made this revelation (about the half full, half empty thing), the Priest told a very interesting story..Mind you, I heard this story when I was in Form 4 and it is still engraved in my mind..Everytime I feel down, I listen this story replay-ing in my mind..

He said,

There was once a married couple who had twin sons. Though they looked the same, their attitudes were at world's ends. The elder son was very pessismistic - he always grumbles and sees the flaws in everything. The younger was totally different - an absolute optimist. Realising this, the parents decided to try 'level'-ing their sons attitude - to make one less pessismistic and make the other less optimistic.
So, for the boys 7th birthday, the parents both them different presents..

First, they brought the eldest son to the barn and gave him a horse. The boy grunted and said 'A horse! But I will have to clean up when he poops! Why are you giving me such a big responsibility on my birthday!?'

They, then brought the younger son to then barn and presented him a poop. The young one said 'A horse's poop!! YEAH!! If there is a horse's poop, there would be a horse somewhere around here!! Thank you Mummy! Thank you Daddy!! I couldn't have asked for anything more!'

Moral of the story is that, we can choose to see a difficulty any way we want to. No matter how big a problem comes, there is always an end to it - we just have to hang on and push forward till we arrive at the end of the road. No matter what happens, I'm gonna try to savour every single drop of that chocolate milk of mine and cherish every single memory of it. GOD bless=)

Trying my BEST..

Priest gave a sermon last Saturday on being different..a topic I've had had with a close friend recently..

Priest said about being different..
taking a stand in everything you say and do..
being firm in your principles..
to keep your head held high when others mock you..

Then, later that Saturday, I watched this advertisement on Cancer and how we could make a difference..

We always talk about how we can change the world with a small gesture of kindness..gesture to make a difference..but should we not change ourselves before changing the world??

I know that I'm not perfect and I will always make mistake..but 1 thing I can help about my weakness is that I can try to be perfect and should never settle anything less..

So, I want to change..People say if you make mistake once, you can be forgiven, but if you repeat your mistake, you a are fool..

I've lost many battles in my life - battles which I thought I can fight another time but each time, the battle changes..the strategies change..but not this time..I might lose again but then again - I might just win..

I've lost many people in my life due to my lack of fighting - that is something I want to change..a change I want to adopt to becoming a better person.

This time, I'm gonna mends things with people close to me - I'll try my best to be a good person and I'm sorry for all the things I may have done unknowingly but I'll try to be on my best behavior..If I feel as though that someone is straying away, I try to struggle and pull them back..

PAPA, I'll try..

The Road LESS Travelled

At one point in life,
you reach at a cross road,
not knowing which to take;
the road everyone has travelled
or the road no one DARES to travel.

If you take that which has been trampled on many times
the path has been carved for you
the remnants of footsteps of those who went before you
marks on trees for you to recognise
and a short-cut to your destination

But if you take the road less travelled -
there is no guarantee you will arrive safely
high possibility of you losing your way
and deviating far from your route
you will probably reach your destination much later
Is it worth it??

Would you not like to experience things on your own?
to get the feel of being a pioneer?
to be the first to taste the sweet taste of victory
-without the need for a support?
to carve a path for others to follow?
to be original and not to fall onto others' shadows?

Its trivial how we love taking the easy way out
but is the easy way really worth the walk

its like driving around a beautiful forest
when you should walk and experience the beauty of nature she offers..

its like injecting nutrition into your veins
when you're able to eat and tickle your taste buds..

its like you are living for the sake of living
not to accept the lessons Life is willing to offer..

Humble or BE Humbled

Father told during sermont that we all need to be humble..there is a parable which emphasises on humility and how one can be honoured by others by being humble..Father Robert said that when we are young, we have lots to offer - many dreams, many ideas with tremendous amount of energy to carry out our projects..

But as we age, our thinking becomes less 'modern' and we have less energy to carry out what we plan and have to depend on others to go by. This is when we become humble..We need others to carry out our plans..We rely on others to continue being in position..

Though only 23, I have already felt this..Some time ago, I was leading an organisation and when I stepped down, I had to allow the 'younger generation' to take over and I retired to simple 'odd jobs'. Maybe my expectations were too much..

Recently, the organisation organised an event but did not bother to invite the 'elders' - not only me but everyone who was once leaders of the organisation..That was absolutely devastating..Suddenly, everything that I thought were huts of shelter -seems to have been occupied by mean occupants who are chasing us out into the rain..

LORD, help me cope with everything that is going on..I'm not sure how much tougher you want me to be..but my shelter is being taken away from me and I have no where to hide..I come as me..please don't leave me LORD 'coz without YOU, I'm not sure where to go..

One at a Time

Learning to
live one day at a time
take one step at a time
carve one smile one at a time
move one brick at a time
chase one dream at a time
look in one direction at a time
take care of one person at a time
bring pieces back one at a time
make pieces fit one at a time
change one person at a time

But most importantly, trying to
do all these without losing myself at the same time =)

Double-Guessing

I was reading an article in the church bulletin today..it talks about how we have grown to dissociate our social life from our prayer life..its like when we are in church, we are angels..but the moment we step out of church we take out our mask and turn into devils!

It was a new view for me..thinking like this..but I know that I fall in this category..well, these few weeks at least..

The other day, a friend asked me..'How come your HO so nice to you?'
And I bluntly answered..'Maybe its because I'm a girl and I have assets that others yearn to possess..He can superficially look, I don't mind as long as I have the advantage of learning from him!'

Hearing this, another friend called me a B to the Itch..sorry, I don't like to pronounce the word! When he said that, I felt one kind..I remember my sister calling me a slut for talking to guys and that really pissed me off..but that is because, I know that I will never gain bargain sexual favours for my advantage..

Of course I did not offer anything when my HO voluntarily decided to teach me but the thought of me letting people look at my asset was not something I use to tolerate..I feel awkward when people stare at my girls - disgusted even! But to think that I'm loosening my tight leash kinda scares me..

What am I turning into?? I thought I was getting better after all that has happened..Could there be a fraction of me that might have died during these2 months?? Could I possibly be the same Jessmine that I was before or am I evolving into a new Jessmine?? If I am evolving, will I be comfortable with this new person?? Or will I be doubting my decision every time I make one??

Father said that we are the decisions we make..Will I be able to accept the decision and consequently accept myself?? Because at the moment, I don't know who I am..I don't remember how to be me..I just remember being happy..hopefully, I find myself soon before its too late..

Under Higher Magnification=)

I had a very 'deep' talk with a close friend..He asked me as to whether two people who are very much in love with each other MUST end up with each other..can two people not be together despite everything - in short, does it necessarily have to be a happy ending..

I think, not necessarily..When loving someone, you don't expect anything from the other person..You love them unconditionally - irrespective as to whether they return the love or not..if say, you love someone because that person loves you, what happens then, if he/she stops loving you?? Will you be able to discontinue your feelings there and then?? So, when you learn to love someone no matter what..come whatever, let it be rain or shine, you'll always love him/her..To me, it always come to that..and if it doesn't work out, he/she leaves a tattoo in your heart..a tattoo that has a scar but at the same time, brings back memories as to how you got it in the first place..

But, I realised one thing as I spoke this..I realised that with time and determination, you can slowly let him/her go..I'm in such situation and I found it very hard to cope with such situation..the fear that i might mess something up; the fear that i'll fall for him more than i already have; the fear that i will not be able to get over it..

It took me really long..i've ben telling myself that i'll forget him and pretend all this as a bad joke - but every time i tried, something stopped me..but after all these time, i suddenly was able to let him go..it hurt a bit in the beginning but it felt comparatively mild and i was able to cope..

I found this excessively strange but letting go is what i'm doing and letting go i shall=)