Grouping for 4th year just came out & I don't have any close friends with me in group 6..its feels like I'm starting all over again - its like entering a new school; or stepping into a party where you don't know anyone!
Reminiscing back - this is how my 3 years in USM has been..not exactly smooth (has been quite bumpy actually) but I always seem to survive!
When I was in my 1st year, I was extremely close to Viwa - I hardly spoke Tamil so that kinda distanced me from the Indian society but thanks to Viwa, I was close to them. Unfortunately, just like a re-enactment from an Indian drama - feud broke out causing the group to shred to pieces! The once peaceful big gang was peaceful no more! Cause of the 'divorce' - irreconcilable difference!
Since I don't like to get my fingers dirty with the fight, I minded my own business..I had Viwa and I could get by everyday with a friend like her! But the worse was yet to come - during my PRO1, Viwa asked me a weird question, 'What would you do without me?' I jokingly told her that 'I will survive without her!'
True enough, Viwa had received offer to study Pharmacy in Penang - we discussed and I knew it was good that she took the offer. When she announced her decision to move, everyone discouraged her by saying - that she has wasted 1 year here; that it would be a harder course; that everyone was gonna miss her!
None of the discouraging comments made a budge until they pulled me into the comment - what is Jessmine gonna do?? Are you gonna leave her alone??
That made her think! She asked me repeatedly whether I would be alright without her around to pick me up everytime I fall & get hurt..and I assured that I will be fine! I can't deprive Viwa of a good future--I have no right! Viwa has to study elsewhere & I need to grow up! I can't depend on her to protect me..I have to do it myself!
Saying all those things to her - I felt like a politician - empty promises! The truth is Viwa was the only thing tying me to the Indian community - my personal translator - my gap-bridger! I didn't feel all this when I told Viwa that I would be fine but when she was gone! All hell broke loose!
Beginning of 2nd year was a real mess for me - I was alone most of the time. Off and on, Viwa would call me asking me how I was doing & I would tell her everything. It made me realise how alone one can be in this world. So I began focusing on chuch activity & tried to numb my loneliness with studies.
Thanks to church activities..I became closer to Lync & by some miracle I became close to Ai Soon. The 3 of us became best buds! Now, when I look back - I can't believe how life has swirled for me and yet I still manage to anchor my feet right to the ground! I, who was once alone, had Lync, Ai Soon, Huey Nee & uncle gang as my friends! A new group of people I never knew I would have befriended!
Nevertheless, I'm ever thankful for having met such great friends! Now, 3rd year is over and I'm gonna enter my 4th year..
Tricky part about 4th year is that we won't get to meet most of your friends like we used to - we are gonna kiss our free time goodbye!
It feels like starting all over again..it feels like my 2nd year all over again! I'm afraid that I might be alone again and I'm afraid that I might not have anyone to confide in in times of trouble! I'm afraid that I might not be able to face the worst on my own! I'm afraid most of the fact that I'm afraid of thought of being afraid! *If that even makes sense*
But, eventhough I make look like I walk alone..the truth is I'm not..PAPA always sees me through me all! When there was only 1 footprint on the sand, that was when HE carried me..And I'm gonna let HIM carry me all the way through this!
So, PAPA, I've no idea what YOU have planned for me but let YOUR will be done. I don't know what to do or where to go, so if there is something YOU disapprove of - please slap me in the face & wake me up! Carve my path & guide my way, PAPA. I'm afraid but YOU hold tomorrow! AMEN!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Melting the COLDEST of Hearts
I remember the Priest, during church mass, told the community this story :
There were 2 brothers who were travelling during war-time & they were apprehended by 3 policemen. Since they didn't have any documents, the policemen decided to hang the 2 brothers. They hung the eldest brother & he passed away instantly and was on the verge on persecuting the younger brother when he said :
Sir, before persecuting me, I would like you to have this coat that I have on -- its a fine velvet coat and I don't want it to go to waste.
The policemen were astonished! 'We were going to persecute this man -- and instead of cursing us, he is giving us the only valuable possession on him?!' Looking at the man's kindness, the policemen set him free.
Moral of the story : Even a little kindness goes a long way -- sometimes it may even melt the coldest of hearts!
Sometimes, we may be really nice to people but all we receive in return are taunts -- sometimes, we might get discouraged but is it a reason to fall back? I don't think so..when people 'persecute' you, don't return the act -- instead be nice to them -- because one day, they might just repent & look at all the things that you have done..When that time comes, you will be glad with what you did..
There were 2 brothers who were travelling during war-time & they were apprehended by 3 policemen. Since they didn't have any documents, the policemen decided to hang the 2 brothers. They hung the eldest brother & he passed away instantly and was on the verge on persecuting the younger brother when he said :
Sir, before persecuting me, I would like you to have this coat that I have on -- its a fine velvet coat and I don't want it to go to waste.
The policemen were astonished! 'We were going to persecute this man -- and instead of cursing us, he is giving us the only valuable possession on him?!' Looking at the man's kindness, the policemen set him free.
Moral of the story : Even a little kindness goes a long way -- sometimes it may even melt the coldest of hearts!
Sometimes, we may be really nice to people but all we receive in return are taunts -- sometimes, we might get discouraged but is it a reason to fall back? I don't think so..when people 'persecute' you, don't return the act -- instead be nice to them -- because one day, they might just repent & look at all the things that you have done..When that time comes, you will be glad with what you did..
Thursday, June 3, 2010
My name is Embarassed & I'm not proud of it =(
It has yet been another exciting day -- and to think that so much revelation can take place in one afternoon is mind-blowing!
My uncle, who is suffering from Acute Leukemia, quoted his doctor as saying - 'Sir, your blood doesn't show any trace of cancer cells' - my mom,who was there when my uncle & auntie saw the doctor, said that she saw my uncle shedding tears of joy! Praise the LORD for HIS Grace & Mercy!!
Then, in the afternoon -- one lady came to the porch of the house begging for money -- she isn't a familiar face -- we have seen her before & she keeps asking for donations from my mom, who entertains her!
That made me furious..I confronted my mom saying 'Why do you keep giving her money??' And the lady keeps asking more & more money -- today, she asked my mom to buy a tin of milk powder for her child & extra cash for the child's pampers!
I just walked away -- my mom, despite all our arguments -- gave the lady all that she asked for. I showed my anger by refusing to talk to mom but when I was calmer -- I asked why.
My mom said this 'Everyone thinks that she is lying that she is trying to extort money from people. But what if she wasn't? What if her child is really hungry? Would you rather have the blood of a child on your hand for a mere RM30? I thought you, of all people, would have understood me, Jessmine?!'
I felt like being slapped in the face! I was going against my very principle of LOVE! How can I integrate LOVE in my career when I can't even practise it on a daily basis -- leaving me questioning my capabilities of being a good doctor =(
My uncle, who is suffering from Acute Leukemia, quoted his doctor as saying - 'Sir, your blood doesn't show any trace of cancer cells' - my mom,who was there when my uncle & auntie saw the doctor, said that she saw my uncle shedding tears of joy! Praise the LORD for HIS Grace & Mercy!!
Then, in the afternoon -- one lady came to the porch of the house begging for money -- she isn't a familiar face -- we have seen her before & she keeps asking for donations from my mom, who entertains her!
That made me furious..I confronted my mom saying 'Why do you keep giving her money??' And the lady keeps asking more & more money -- today, she asked my mom to buy a tin of milk powder for her child & extra cash for the child's pampers!
I just walked away -- my mom, despite all our arguments -- gave the lady all that she asked for. I showed my anger by refusing to talk to mom but when I was calmer -- I asked why.
My mom said this 'Everyone thinks that she is lying that she is trying to extort money from people. But what if she wasn't? What if her child is really hungry? Would you rather have the blood of a child on your hand for a mere RM30? I thought you, of all people, would have understood me, Jessmine?!'
I felt like being slapped in the face! I was going against my very principle of LOVE! How can I integrate LOVE in my career when I can't even practise it on a daily basis -- leaving me questioning my capabilities of being a good doctor =(
Beautiful LIFE!
My friend & I were comparing our lives -- who is gonna go down as the worst Doctor in history -- 3 years down the road and we still feel as dense as ever!-- well, that was the competition and we were fighting relentlessly to prove ourselves worthy of the 'GLORIOUS title'!
5 years ago, Allan & I sat for an important exam and the results determined as to whether we would obtain acceptance into local university..But, to be on the safe side -- both of us applied to the same university & got acceptance into that uni..'1 step closer to our dreams' I remembered him saying..
Then, the results for local university came out -- I was accepted but he wasn't -- it broke him but thank GOD he got a seat in a private uni -- then came the next challenge -- FINANCE!
For him, it was as if the trials keep on coming -- one after the other -- I remember 1 close friend of ours calling and saying - 'Hey Jess, I'm worried bout Allan..he hasn't been answering my calls..could you check on him please -- maybe he will answer your call.'
GOD had HIS way -- someone from Allan's church gave a helping hand and promised to support him..HE has helped in many ways to make sure we stayed where we were..and today, we are in our 3rd year; we have graced through our important papers with our sanity still in tact..
After a long journey down memory lane -- we stopped competing for the 'GLORIOUS title' & began appreciating all the things PAPA has down for us.
Moral of the story - However bad things may seem now, one day, when you look back - you are gonna praise the LORD for HIS MERCY..all we need to do is believe..
5 years ago, Allan & I sat for an important exam and the results determined as to whether we would obtain acceptance into local university..But, to be on the safe side -- both of us applied to the same university & got acceptance into that uni..'1 step closer to our dreams' I remembered him saying..
Then, the results for local university came out -- I was accepted but he wasn't -- it broke him but thank GOD he got a seat in a private uni -- then came the next challenge -- FINANCE!
For him, it was as if the trials keep on coming -- one after the other -- I remember 1 close friend of ours calling and saying - 'Hey Jess, I'm worried bout Allan..he hasn't been answering my calls..could you check on him please -- maybe he will answer your call.'
GOD had HIS way -- someone from Allan's church gave a helping hand and promised to support him..HE has helped in many ways to make sure we stayed where we were..and today, we are in our 3rd year; we have graced through our important papers with our sanity still in tact..
After a long journey down memory lane -- we stopped competing for the 'GLORIOUS title' & began appreciating all the things PAPA has down for us.
Moral of the story - However bad things may seem now, one day, when you look back - you are gonna praise the LORD for HIS MERCY..all we need to do is believe..
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Stop Whining!
Everyday, I learn more and more about myself..my likes & dislikes..my silent do-es & don'ts..
And I made a revelation! I HATE PEOPLE WHO WHINE!!
I feel really annoyed when people complain & complain about how horrible their life is; about how their life could have been different; if this if that! Aish! I'm not saying that my life is perfect - but the truth is - where you are today is because of what you did in the past..
You decided to take the road not taken -- and you know that the road not taken might not make you happy -- so why take it in the first place?? The decision you take today will be a decision of the past in the future..
So, instead of whining like a baby..be a MAN and STEP-UP!
STOP WHINING!
And I made a revelation! I HATE PEOPLE WHO WHINE!!
I feel really annoyed when people complain & complain about how horrible their life is; about how their life could have been different; if this if that! Aish! I'm not saying that my life is perfect - but the truth is - where you are today is because of what you did in the past..
You decided to take the road not taken -- and you know that the road not taken might not make you happy -- so why take it in the first place?? The decision you take today will be a decision of the past in the future..
So, instead of whining like a baby..be a MAN and STEP-UP!
STOP WHINING!
Changeling
I was going through the movie listings in the paper and man, they were all really disappointing..
I realised that there is a new trend in the movies today (wow, I sound as if I've lived for 100 years and have seen all the movies ever produced!)..to make it big in the box-office, a movie has to have at least 1 sex scene, 1 hot gal & 1 hunk with a good body - the basic 3 elements of a 'quality' movie today..
When I saw this, I just look at my sister and said 'Lin, Hollywood could pay me the same amount they are playing their directors & I would be able to produce something better!'
But I think we as customers are equally foolish for watching the same trend of movies..Now, I'm wondering..Why in the world am I paying for the tickets to a movie not worth watching 'coz I know the outcome anyways!
Then, today, my mom was watching this movie on television - Changeling - apparently it came out last year but I hadn't had a clue that it was in the theater..Apparently, this movie won the Oscars but never really reached its expected box-office collection..
The thing I like about this movie was that it made me think - the movies I been 'trapped' into watching doesn't need space to think - Shrek 4, The Bounty Hunter - they are very straightforward - there is a damsel in distress and the hero has to find his way to save the day..TYPICAL!!
But, in Changeling, (ps. I'm not promoting this movie 'coz I'm getting commission ya), it is a struggle of a mother in search of her son even if it means that she has to fight against the whole police force & being thrown into the crack-pot hospital..It is based on a true story of a woman's hope and her willingness to fight for her son..
I loved it when Angelina Jolie said 'This day has taught me something new - HOPE'..I admired Mrs. Collins for being so positive even though she knew that there is a fat chance that her son in dead..This movie receives an absolute thumbs-up from me!
I realised that there is a new trend in the movies today (wow, I sound as if I've lived for 100 years and have seen all the movies ever produced!)..to make it big in the box-office, a movie has to have at least 1 sex scene, 1 hot gal & 1 hunk with a good body - the basic 3 elements of a 'quality' movie today..
When I saw this, I just look at my sister and said 'Lin, Hollywood could pay me the same amount they are playing their directors & I would be able to produce something better!'
But I think we as customers are equally foolish for watching the same trend of movies..Now, I'm wondering..Why in the world am I paying for the tickets to a movie not worth watching 'coz I know the outcome anyways!
Then, today, my mom was watching this movie on television - Changeling - apparently it came out last year but I hadn't had a clue that it was in the theater..Apparently, this movie won the Oscars but never really reached its expected box-office collection..
The thing I like about this movie was that it made me think - the movies I been 'trapped' into watching doesn't need space to think - Shrek 4, The Bounty Hunter - they are very straightforward - there is a damsel in distress and the hero has to find his way to save the day..TYPICAL!!
But, in Changeling, (ps. I'm not promoting this movie 'coz I'm getting commission ya), it is a struggle of a mother in search of her son even if it means that she has to fight against the whole police force & being thrown into the crack-pot hospital..It is based on a true story of a woman's hope and her willingness to fight for her son..
I loved it when Angelina Jolie said 'This day has taught me something new - HOPE'..I admired Mrs. Collins for being so positive even though she knew that there is a fat chance that her son in dead..This movie receives an absolute thumbs-up from me!
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